Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
