5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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