everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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