If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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