This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
