That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
