Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
