We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
