I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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