Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize