Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
