Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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