her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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