so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
