Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
