My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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