you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
