if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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