She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
