if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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