you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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