Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
