Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
