she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
