My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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