i think my tv is drunk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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