i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
