he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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