every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Who died my cat blue again?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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