I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
