If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
