Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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