i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
