Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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