so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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