You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
