strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
