Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
