So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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