I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
