somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
