everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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