Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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