I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
