Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
