you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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