exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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