Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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