glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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