you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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