My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
