I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize