What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Two words: blizzard sex
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
