it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
tell me about the fingering
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