I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
