dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
