I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dick has a subreddit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize