She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
