imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize