his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Randomize
