kristin has been a bad kristin
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
