I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
