Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
