Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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