You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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