The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize