where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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