i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We need to rekindle our bromance
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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