I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
