he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
