i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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