Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
