we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
