i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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