I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had sex on a dog bed..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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