All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
