i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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