Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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