Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
