They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
well you can't waste a boner
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
