So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize