beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's shark week go big or go home
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
