I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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