shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize