I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
