Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
