I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
