You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
