people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We left an ass print on the piano.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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