11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
