Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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