how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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