Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we made out on top of his cat.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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