2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize