just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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