If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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