how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
