he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
