Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
