HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
