I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
