and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
