i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
